183: If You Don’t Want to Know, Don’t Snoop on Your Daughter’s Instagram Account

Justina Shandler  0:00  
You want to be a plan B? Choice the top three. So

Andrea Askowitz  0:15  
I'm Andrea Askowitz

Allison Langer  0:16  
I'm Alison Langer. And this is writing class radio. You'll hear true personal stories and learn how to write your own stories. Together, we produce this podcast which has equal parts heart and art. By heart, we mean the truth in a story. And by art, we mean the craft of writing, no matter what's going on in our lives. Writing class is where we tell the truth. It's where we work out our shit. There's no place in the world like writing class, and we want to bring you in. All right, guys. So today on our show, we are bringing you a story read, performed, and very original by our own Andrew outwits, but not read, and not performed, what is it then?

Andrea Askowitz  0:57  
Told? That's the whole point. All right. So

Allison Langer  1:00  
back up.

Andrea Askowitz  1:04  
It's the May 2024 Moth, and I see that that the theme is snooping. I actually did go for a bike ride and think about what I would tell. But that was it. Like I was just like, Yeah, I did snoop on my daughter. So maybe I'll tell that story. Usually go them off alone, because I just like, it's worked for me. Really. I've been going for nine years. I've lost 14 times. This time. I was like, I called up a friend. Really cool that it was sweet that she came with me.

Allison Langer  1:29  
Did you say hey, do you want to come watch me lose again? Yeah,

Andrea Askowitz  1:33  
yeah, yeah. I'm like, Hey, I'm going to, I'm going to the moth. I mean, she she already knows. This is Marjorie Berger has been on the podcast, she already knows that. I'm kind of Drella you've she Yeah, she knows that I've had a temper tantrum after losing at the moth before she she knows my whole issue. My situation, I'm leaving the house, Vicki my wife, he's like, Hey, cool, you're going to the math. Okay. Just think of it as like, you know, working out material, which was actually a really nice thing to say. Like, it's just practice. And it is it's great. You have a 200 people audience, you get to practice a story, whatever. I get there. I'm, you know, drinking my electrolytes, like usual. So what I know about the moth, if you're pregnant, you win. I also know that if you're a man and you cry, you win. And you only win in those situations if you're one of the last to go. Because there's 10 people but there's like a momentum that builds. So if you tell the story in the first half, even if you're great, you'll never win. It's just not. And I've also often thought like, ah, the mafia. So this is a rigged, but it's not what I've learned is that what they want, what they're looking for what the only thing they care about is connection is the real true connection that that person on stage has with the audience. So I'm sitting in the audience and I'm like, Oh, my God, I'm never gonna get called that's this always happens. And because your names and a hat, you put your it's random, right? Yeah, it's random. Your name is in a bag. Yeah. And one. Yeah, there were two names left. And I was like, at this moment, I was so scared that I was going to be last. I was like, Oh, my God, I'm going to be last. It's lining up. I'm gonna. And I was putting all this pressure on myself. And then I was picked second to last. So I stand up, I go to the stage and my mind, I'm like, dammit, well, now I'm not gonna win. Oh, well. And I was a little, a little bit more relaxed. Because I knew I was just okay. I'm just here practicing material because last person is gonna win. And I told my story, the audience was they were so great. They thought it was funny. And then here's my story. 

Allison Langer  3:35  
So wait, before you continue, I want we can talk more about this at the end. But I want everyone to hear your story. And unfortunately, there's no recording of her of Andrea story. Well, there probably is that you can pay for but we're cheap. And so, you know, we were going to just have Andrea, do it for you guys right now, just off the cuff. And here goes... 

Andrea Askowitz  3:54  
which is harder than telling it at them off right now. This is going to be harder.

Allison Langer  3:58  
Wait, wait. We're gonna get back to you after the break. So stick around to hear Andrea's story that she told at the moth. We're back. This is Alison Langer. And this is writing class radio. Up next is Andrey Asquith telling the story she told at the May 24 loss

Andrea Askowitz  4:23  
it was two and a half years ago when my daughter turned 18. She blocked me from Instagram. Okay, so she's 18 Oh, thank you for smiling. This is not going to be so bad. No,

Allison Langer  4:35  
because I already know why she would do that. You're fucking crazy. Okay. I might

Andrea Askowitz  4:39  
be crazy. I might be that is so interesting that you said that you can heckle it makes it easier actually. Okay, so now my daughter's 18. So like, I'm in a bind because legally, I have no recourse. But I really want to be able to monitor her social media activity and you'll hear why and you know, I Allison

Allison Langer  4:59  
she Just laughing because I just made the pasties. Yeah.

Andrea Askowitz  5:05  
Oh shit. Okay, you know it's coming. Okay, so I enlisted two friends to follow Tashi, my daughter Tashi, and snoop on her and send me any anything that might be I don't know, you'll you'll hear. Okay. And that's, that's this is the part where it's like if you don't want to know what your daughter's doing on Instagram Don't sneak around, but I did I enlisted two spies. So then about six months later, I got a screenshot of my daughter, like kneeling on her bed, like in our house. She was in this like, super sexual position, and she was wearing a full on bunny suit like Playboy Bunny. It was so sexual. I saw the picture, the screenshot I ran in there, I was like, take this down. She's like, you are a conservative, prude, old hag. And I'm like, and I'm like, No, I'm not conservative. I'm not prude. In fact, I've spent most of my life before marriage a total whore. But I am old, which is how I know we have been here before. And then I'm like, Do you know who Gloria Steinem is? And she actually didn't know who Gloria Steinem is, but still, I was still like, I'm gonna tell you about the most iconic feminist of our time. And even before I was born, this is like my lecture. I'm like lecturing her even before I was born, Gloria Steinem. Got a job undercover at the Playboy Mansion, or wherever she put on a bunny suit. And she did that to tell us tell the world that like prancing around in a bunny suit is objectifying degrading not good for women. We already know this. And Tashi is awful. My body my choice, which is actually like, true. You know, I'm like, Okay, I fully agree with that. Like, yeah, your body your choice. Like I love that idea for most things. But why are you choosing to put yourself out there? Like a floozy bunny? Why aren't you choosing to talk about like, post about, like, how you got into every college you applied to? Or like, or like, even your struggles, like, why don't you post about overcoming or dealing with depression, because, you know, Tasha has dealt with a ton of depression. And she's, she's, why is about that? Or, like, why don't you post things that show like, what kind of beautiful heart you have? I can't remember if she took it down, but I think she did. I think then she put it back up, but okay, but I didn't know because I wasn't monitoring her social media. Then, it was last year, so she was already in college. I got another screenshot this time. Tashi is walking down campus, like you could see the library behind her. It was like college green or something. She was alone in the shot. And she's wearing socks, like above her knees, tiny boy shorts, and pasties. That was it. And it looked like she was just like, Oops, she was like in mid for like flounce. Like she's like, skipping through campus. I called her I was like, What the fuck? And she goes, I'm I'm in a SlutWalk. So I'm like, What the fuck is that? She tells me that SlutWalk is this international movement. And the idea is I can wear nothing, I can wear anything. And no one is entitled to touch me or harass me. And I'm like, fuck, that's cool. Like, I could totally get behind that. I want to do a SlutWalk like, I get it. That's awesome. But why are you the only sloth walking? And she was like, Mom every day is a slow walk for me. Which actually kind of broke my heart. And also, I was like, Okay, I get that too. But I said, you know, it's dangerous for you to put yourself out there like that. Like there are creepy ass people out there. And she said, You are looking at me through the male gaze. And which was a yucky accusation, but it was exactly my point. And I was like, Baby, what other gays is there? And I was like, I want you and all of your 20 Something friends like every woman out there who posts all these sexual sexual posts and they do constantly. It's not just my daughter. I mean, there's it seems like every woman her age posts like this, I want you to post other things so that the gaze changes so that men and women, we all see something different, and not just hot bodies, like, I want you to value yourself for more than just that. About two weeks ago, I was scrolling through it through Instagram, just regular. I saw one of her posts. So like, I was like, Wait a second. I'm not blocked anymore. Like what's happening here? Yeah. And I started like looking at her, all of her stuff. So there's one where, where she, this is so crazy that this happened. But there's one post where she's like wearing a tiny mini skirt. And like, it's very sexual, I think she's talking and the caption underneath, like where you write, she writes, Mom, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I know that I am worth more like, I know, my value is worth more than just my body. And then she wrote something else. Like, it's taken me a long time to feel comfortable and to love my body. And I'm just having fun here, which was something I hadn't considered, which I think is also something to her point, like, I get that. But the part that really made me like, I felt like, oh, there's progress. Like she knows, she knows that she's her value is more than just her body. And, and she wanted me to know that. You know, like, I'm like, maybe I don't need to spy on her anymore. Like maybe, maybe we're getting somewhere.

Allison Langer  11:31  
Thank you. Very nice. I didn't Gong you because you went over five minutes. Like, you have to stay within your five minutes.

Andrea Askowitz  11:39  
You get six. In the end, how many? Six? You do? Well, at five you're like, break it, you know, come to a close and then six. You're done about

Allison Langer  11:47  
nine? What? It's not. Oh, that's because

Andrea Askowitz  11:51  
you were heckling me? Oh, maybe? Or maybe because I just relaxed now. And I told it slower. Yeah.

Allison Langer  11:58  
All right. So this is the first time I've heard this story. I mean, we talked prior to the show, and we were trying to figure out like, you know, what is the story about like, what are you trying to get to just so that you can hit the beginning, the middle the end? Like we can make sure you have all your points, and you pretty much had it down.

Andrea Askowitz  12:14  
And thank you for not falling asleep right now. I mean, are rolling your eyes? You were a great audience better than I expected.

Allison Langer  12:19  
Oh, God. All right. No comment. So anyway, I loved it. I thought it was great. And it was it was short enough for me. You spoke at a fast enough clip for to keep me interested. And I was wondering, like, where's this going? Like, what's the story? How does a Mom Do you know, like, handle her daughter going out in the world with this type of attitude. And the kids, they pretty much you can't control them, they do what they're gonna do, and we just try to mop up the mess or protect them as best as possible. We

Andrea Askowitz  12:50  
also have such a different perspective. Well, yeah, so you

Allison Langer  12:57  
are older people and younger people. Both. Yeah. Well, it's because we've been there, done that, and maybe we've gotten we've escaped some of the things that could have happened to us. I remember my mom always being like, you don't even know that this can happen. And I'm like, it's not gonna happen to me. Like, I never thought anything bad was gonna happen to me. You know, for the most part, I nothing did whatever. I guess I'm just lucky. Very, very, I was lucky to Yeah. But anyway, back to the story. What I love so much is that it was very simple. Like, we know what the story is. The mom snoops on her child, the child cuts her off, she hires people, friends, to snoop on her daughter, just to make sure she's okay. And then last episode, this narrator was ragging on me because she said I had control issues, Hello, control issues. But this is I don't know

Speaker 1  13:44  
why I didn't admit that. I also have control issues. Of course I do. I wanted to say we all do. But, you know, I don't want to step on you.

Allison Langer  13:51  
Are you allowed to be speaking? I'm sorry. I don't know. No. So I love that part. And then we get to the moment where the daughter is doing the SlutWalk and she's like, where are the other slides? There's a moment I didn't understand that the narrator said she got the narrator's daughter does the SlutWalk every day and I was like, does that mean she's lonesome? She's feels like I didn't understand that. 100% But the narrator did about her own daughter. So that was a moment. I was like, I didn't really get it, but I didn't care because I knew that the narrator and her daughter had a connection. And that was okay with me. You know, they have something they understand about each other. Okay, great. So that onward and then the point at the end is that she's back allowed to snoop on her daughter. Like the daughter is sort of getting why the mom is so worried about her. And she's okay with it. I just thought that was a beautiful, beautiful ending. Can we say that the narrator like one she fucking one the moth. Oh,

Andrea Askowitz  14:51  
okay. Yeah.

Allison Langer  14:55  
I don't know what

Andrea Askowitz  14:55  
 yeah, 

Allison Langer  14:56  
what person came after but it obviously it wasn't a guy who cried it wasn't somebody pregnant. then, yeah,

Andrea Askowitz  15:00  
the last person was very good storyteller, but he was not on theme at all. And there were no stakes in his story. And he and while he was freaking, I was sweating frickin bullets because I knew there was a score. I knew I was in the lead. So bad. Do you think there's also

Allison Langer  15:16  
a portion of this that you have to ingratiate your yourself with, or to the judges, because if they don't like you, even if your story is good, you may not win?

Andrea Askowitz  15:28  
Well, that's what I learned over 25 years and nine years of losing and performing at the math that the most most important thing about storytelling. It's not that having them like you, but it's having the audience connect to you. And we've talked about that a million times being a reliable narrator. You have to be vulnerable, you have to be true. But also, you cannot when you're telling a story out loud, you can't memorize because that ruins your authenticity. But I don't know how I sounded right now, when I just told this story. I don't know because I haven't listened to it back. So Did I sound authentic? Did I sound like I was really telling you?

Allison Langer  16:12  
Yeah, you didn't sound memorized to me? Because there were a few

Andrea Askowitz  16:15  
lines that I actually am a bit married to. And I and I nailed them. Like, why were you the only slot walking? Yeah. And I'm not an actor. And I know at at the moth at the actual event at the moth. I said that line wrong. I wanted to say that because it was so stunning to me that my daughter was like alone, it seemed in a parade. Like being in a parade. That's one thing like that makes sense. You're protected because you're around all these people. But it looked like she was not in the she was alone. When I set it at the mouth. I said Why were you the only one walking? And people like laughed hard. But because I had this like storyteller ego. I said the line again? Why were you the only slot walking? And I had recorded the whole thing on my phone just because I do that for practice. And I listened to it later. And when I listened to the second time I said slot walking, why were you the only slot walking sounded so weird, so rehearsed, so inauthentic, that I was like, Good God, how did I get away with that? Like, maybe they didn't hear it the second time, hopefully, you know, it just proved to me again, which is something that I've learned. It only takes me 25 years to learn something. But what I learned is that you really, really, really do have to be authentic. No, you can't you can't fake it.

Allison Langer  17:36  
Okay, so what's your advice to all the moth people out there, the moth storyteller, you're dying to win people.

Andrea Askowitz  17:42  
But my advice to any storyteller, even a writer on the page, or any storyteller who's reading a story or any anything about storytelling, the most important thing is the truth. And we say that here like equal parts heart and art. It's the heart part. But heart comes out in a whole bunch of different ways. And an audience can sniff out fakeness immediately, and an audience can sniff out authenticity, and they love it. That's the most important thing. Yeah.

Speaker 2  18:11  
She goes I go she goes That's how she said

Andrea Askowitz  18:16  
it. Yeah, I loved it. Okay, yeah. Because sometimes I get caught up in the writing, like when I've rehearsed in the past. And I'm like, and then she said, and then I said, and it works on the page because you're just used to it with your eyes, but it's not no one speaks like that. Really? I don't think

Allison Langer  18:31  
Yeah, yeah. And I'm sure you had your body language and it and your your whole thing. Oh, like

Andrea Askowitz  18:37  
I acted at the twerking, maybe? I don't know. I don't know. Because I was really in the moment. Yeah, I was. I was I was like, and then this happened and I don't know I made mistakes. And I was like, Oh, the you know, the only time I wasn't was when I reset that line because I wanted to be a better performer some shit yeah.

Allison Langer  18:55  
All right. Well, sweet. Thank you for sharing that with us. I mean, it's such a good lesson you're so brave like I fucking never I hate that I would never get up to on stage without a rehearsed anything. I don't like it. I like stage like a bomb like doing like a host of something because I don't have anything that I have to memorize because my brain does not memorize and spout out I can't do it because

Andrea Askowitz  19:18  
well then you should do the math because you're not supposed to memorize that's that's what I just said. Yeah. But

Allison Langer  19:24  
why would I want to do that I have no desire I My mind goes blank. When you call me up on stage, you're like, Tell me about a time you snooped on like a net? Well,

Andrea Askowitz  19:32  
so that's when you would just know your beats. And what I mean by beats are the moments in the story. You just remember the moments in your story and you remember them in order and that's all you have to know. What if I forget my beats? Well, what you have to do when you go, you have to just trust. You have to trust that you can tell your friend what happened. And even though there's a whole audience, you're just telling one person and you know that you can tell the story because you've told so many and you tell them really well. It's you know what it is, it's a writing prompt. You just know that you can write into your notebook without editing or just in your mind telling the story writing it down. I want to say one more thing about what why this is so important. And you would be great at it, even though you think you wouldn't. It's so good to get up and tell a story in front of someone or in front of no one just to tell your story out loud. Without reading, it's so good for you to figure out what matters for the story. So it's important to it's a great tool for the page to tell stories out loud. For to write this story. All I need are those four beats. Now I know that. And

Allison Langer  20:39  
what's cool is that you recorded yourself. So you could go back and listen to it and learn about that. That's really cool. So just to you know, maybe for our listeners who are trying to figure out what their story is, is to read it out loud and to actually record themselves and then listen back, think that's pretty cool, but not

Andrea Askowitz  20:53  
read out loud. It's a great exercise to just if you're working on a story, and you're really you're writing a story and you're stumped. Yeah. Tell the story out loud to your cell phone voice memo. Yeah. Or tell it to a friend and see which elements you need. It's a great exercise.

Allison Langer  21:10  
So basically what I said except for not read, but tell. Yeah, yeah. It's

Andrea Askowitz  21:16  
not the read. Yeah, right. Right. Right. All right. Yeah. I feel so good that I won them off. I just have to say, I'm still high over it.

Allison Langer  21:25  
I am so proud of you. I mean, this is just relentless. You know, persistence. I'm so proud of you. Yeah. And I'm sure there are tons of people maybe send us a an email or an Instagram or whatever it is. And let us know your moth story. I think that would be really cool. Like, what's your persistence story?

Andrea Askowitz  21:44  
How many times have you lost at the moth? Yeah, yeah,

Allison Langer  21:48  
maybe we should do that as a prompt telling

Andrea Askowitz  21:51  
14 times yeah.

Allison Langer  21:53  
Well, thank you guys for listening. And I think I said this already, but I want to say it again. Andrea Rockstar, thank you for sharing.

Writing class radio is hosted by me Alison Langer. And me Andrey Askowitz. I thought you're gonna say me the Rockstar, audio audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski and Aidan, Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. The music is by Justina Shandler. There's more writing class on our website, including stories we study editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. If you want to write with us every week, or if you're a business owner, community activist group that needs healing entrepreneur scientist, and you want to help your team write better check out all the classes we offer on our website, writing class radio.com. Join the community that comes together for instruction and excuse to write in the support from other writers. To learn more, go to our website for patreon.com/writing class radio. A new episode will drop every other Wednesday.

Andrea Askowitz  23:07  
There is no better way to understand ourselves and each other than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What's yours? 

Tara Sands (Voiceover)  23:20  
Produced and distributed by the sound off media company