192: A Letter to My Son About His Abortion

Allison Langer  0:03  
Music. I'm Allison Langer.

Andrea Askowitz  0:04  
I'm Andrea askowitz, and this is writing class radio. You'll hear true personal stories and learn how to write your own stories together, we produce this podcast, which is equal parts heart and art. By heart, we mean the truth in a story. By art, we mean the craft of writing no matter what's going on in our lives. Writing class is where we tell the truth. It's where we work out our shit. There's no place in the world like writing class, and we want to bring you in today. We bring you the third story in our seven part series called our abortion stories to support yes on four, which is an amendment to bring abortion rights back to Florida. A few weeks ago, we did a live show in Miami, Florida featuring seven heartbreaking but also heartwarming and triumphant stories covering all aspects of abortion and health. We're bringing you one a week until the election, November 5. 2024 if you're listening after November 5, these stories are still amazing and informative, both in content and craft. If you're just tuning in, like if this is your first time listening to writing class radio, please listen to episode 190 to learn how our live show came to be and why we feel stories can change hearts and laws.

Allison Langer  1:30  
Today's story is by Matt tentay. Matt comes with a perspective about how health care can be handled if we in Florida work hard enough to win yes on four back with Matt's story. After the break, we're back. I'm Allison Langer, and you're listening to writing class radio. Here's Matt tentay reading his story letters to my son about his abortion.

Matt Tente  1:57  
Son, one day, you will ask us what it was like when you came into this world, and for years, we will lie. We will say it was joyful and beautiful and wonderful and all the other foals we can think of, because the truth won't be easy to tell. How the story began two years before you were born, when your mom's obstetrician confirmed she was pregnant. That was two days before my 36th birthday and one day before your grandpa pop pop pop was diagnosed with terminal cancer. We will fib skipping over the part about fear that I was afraid Pop Pop wouldn't live long enough to meet his grandchild. We will wait until you are older to tell you how his diagnosis was overshadowed when a doctor explained the term chromosomal abnormality in the three different trisomies, downs, Edwards and pataus, conditions that cause severe and sometimes fatal birth defects, how the doctor presented us with options I was scared to share with pop pop because he was raised Catholic in the 60s, which made him pro life by default. We will tell you white lies until you're grown, because we can't share your story without mentioning the Dobbs decision that overturned Roe versus Wade. We will tell you the view from the labor room was beautiful on the day you were born, but nothing about the previous pregnancy 22 months before. We won't talk about genetic screenings and waiting for lab results or the shock of the genetics counselor telling us that our unborn baby had Trisomy 18 Edward syndrome, that by the time an appointment before an abortion even became available, your mom was 15 weeks and three days, well past the six week ban that they passed here in Florida. I won't tell you how your mom woke up every morning knowing that if she continued that pregnancy, it was almost certain to end in a miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death, that if it hadn't been taken to term, the resulting complications might have made your conception impossible. I won't tell you that when I explained the situation to pop pop, he told us to do what was right for our family, that his words that came without judgment and were exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. We won't tell you about the rage we felt when Kate Cox, a pregnant mother of two in Texas with the same exact diagnosis, had to go to court to request a medical exemption to terminate how the initial decision was appealed to the state Supreme Court, which ruled against Mrs. Cox, forcing her to flee the state to get the health care she needed. We will tell you how excited we were when we learned that your mom got pregnant again, not how every single day of your gestation was filled with worry, thinking that it might end. Like the last. We won't tell you that at 10 weeks, a doctor said you might have a crania, a fatal disorder that would stop your skull from forming, exposing your brain to amniotic fluid that would quickly destroy it. Or how we had to wait two agonizing weeks for a follow up appointment because the doctor said 10 weeks was too early to confirm the diagnosis. How we scheduled another abortion for the day after that follow up, because it would be barbaric to make your mom live one more day waiting to lose a pregnancy that was already lost. I won't explain how hard your mom cried out that follow up when the doctor said the initial reading was imprecise and your skull had formed in the two weeks since. And we will certainly wait to tell you how your mom made the call to cancel the appointment that was meant to be your abortion. We won't tell you about Nancy Davis, a pregnant woman in Louisiana who fled the state to get an abortion after receiving a confirmed crania diagnosis that abortions were banned in Louisiana after the Dobbs decision, compelling Miss Davis to explain to the world that she would have had to carry her baby just to bury her baby. We will wait to tell you how a few weeks later, your grandma, dub dub was rushed to the hospital that your mom, she got on a flame, flew across the country and raised to be with her. That when I got there a day later, dub dub was lying unconscious in a hospital bed with your mom curled up beside her. How your mom's pregnant belly, it was pressed up against dub, dub side, and I just sat there watching the three of you, hoping dub, dub could feel you to could feel you kick until the nurse said it was time to take her off life support. You.

We won't tell you the joy dubbed up felt knowing you were on your way, or how hard Pop Pop tried to live long enough to meet you only to pass away three weeks before you were born. We won't explain how heartbreaking it is to become a parent, just as if you lost your own. I won't tell you how I tried to calculate the number of years I would have spent in prison for driving your mom to that abortion, or how many more her doctor would have gotten for performing the procedure if we had lived in Texas, Louisiana, or 19 other states, including right here in Florida, we will wait until you're older to teach you about Dobbs and Roe and how to raise your voice when the moment demands it, because women shouldn't have to face this fight on their own. We will wait until you're grown to tell you how fortunate we were to live in California, because if we hadn't, we might not have had you. Thank

Andrea Askowitz  8:13  
you. What a beautiful, like emotional read. Oh, God,

Allison Langer  8:20  
his story is crushing, crushing, crushing,

Andrea Askowitz  8:23  
but hopeful. I think the thing that I'm hearing right now, and I listen to it is like the emotional like, how huge it is to have a baby. This line just really struck me, heartbreaking to become a parent just if you've lost your own like, I feel like that's what I was feeling the most in this story. This time when I heard it, what I was feeling the most is the how big it is to have a baby, and how like emotional it was for this narrator to lose his parent while he was becoming a parent, that part just was so just, I felt it this time,

Allison Langer  9:06  
yeah, but so monumental. I mean, he brings up a lot of things in here that that abortion and abortion rights and abortion concerns and a lot of stuff is made really evident that a we 10 weeks is too early to know what's going on. But in Florida, we're in a six week ban right now, so he would have been stuck with a baby who may not have been viable had, you know, and for that second pregnancy, and if it was at 10 weeks or 12 weeks, he may have aborted. So there's, you know, if he was pressed to do something, but then actually, the baby turned out to be okay at 12 weeks. So I just think that his story really drove home. The fact that these early bands are just really not right.

Andrea Askowitz  10:08  
The early bands are way too soon. Yeah, the fetus was diagnosed with a crania at 10 weeks, but they didn't get the final clearance that that diagnosis was wrong until 12 weeks. And so this story shows us that 10 weeks, 12 weeks, certainly six weeks, is way too soon to know about the health of a fetus. I thought this story also did a really interesting job at telling us a lot about the state of abortion in other states because he brought in two other cases that were similar to his. He brought in Katie Cox. I don't know if you heard about her, but I did. She was pregnant in Texas. Her fetus had Trisomy 18, and that was not on the list in Texas, so she had to flee Texas to get her much needed healthcare. And then the same thing happened, or similar thing happened, to Nancy Davis, who was pregnant in Louisiana. This Narrator mentioned that his wife's fetus was also diagnosed with a crania. But in Louisiana, Nancy Davis had to flee the state. Also she had to flee Louisiana because a crania was not on the list of exceptions. So I thought that Matt did a really good job of bringing in the state of abortion rights in more than just Florida California, because he also brought in Louisiana and Texas,

Allison Langer  11:43  
just also, just to talk about the writing real quick, because Matt isn't a writer, he's a photographer and a filmmaker. You know, he wrote this because he finds and actually came to our show to share his story, because he believes, you know, in abortion being legal until viability, like he definitely wants his voice heard. He wants his situation heard. He doesn't want his experience to go unconsidered. Is that even a word inconsidered? Unconsidered?

Andrea Askowitz  12:15  
I get it. Yeah, that whatever

Allison Langer  12:18  
it is, we would love to belabor the point of abortion. But we are also a writing and storytelling podcast, and we want to share a little bit about the writing.

Andrea Askowitz  12:27  
Don't you want to say that word? Which one? Epistolary? Oh, yeah. I love epistolary. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Allison Langer  12:35  
I know. I know. I love the epistolary form.

Andrea Askowitz  12:38  
It's basically writing a letter. I love to have students do this, and it is not easy, because you cannot tell. I mean, in this case, he's talking to a baby, but typically when we're writing a letter, we can't reveal things that they obviously know. So I thought he did a great job. He did. He stuck to the form, and he didn't say things to the baby that the baby already knew, for the sake of us, the audience, and that's typically what happens. But he didn't do that. He did a great job with that. I want to say that we found a different version of the story in Huffington Post, and it was much, much longer and much more. It wasn't meant for the stage because it was written and both of us read it and thought it was so beautiful, and that's why we asked Matt to come be part of our show. So I guess we should put in the show notes a link to the original Huffington Post

Allison Langer  13:35  
essay. For sure. I appreciate that Matt wrote this, and it was a little different than some of our other forms and structures. And I just hope that people try writing a letter on their own, you know, see how it goes, try it to see if you can get to the heart of a problem, heart of an issue. I mean, he really got to the heart of an issue here.

Andrea Askowitz  13:56  
Thank you, Matt tentay, for telling your story. If you loved this episode, please tell three friends what you learned, and please share this episode.

Allison Langer  14:10  
Writing class. Radio is hosted by me, Allison Langer and me Andrea askowitz. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan serminski and Aiden glassy at the sound off media company. Theme music is by Kenny karade. There's more writing class on our website, including stories we study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats and live online classes. If you want to write with us every week, or if you're a business owner, community activist group that needs healing, entrepreneur and you want to help your team write better. Check out all the classes we offer on our website, writing class radio.com, join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write and the support from other writers to learn more. Go to our website or patreon.com/writing. Class radio, a new episode in this. Series will drop every Wednesday until the election, a full list of our sponsors and a link to donate to guess on four can be found in our show notes.

Andrea Askowitz  15:09  
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Tara Sands (Voiceover)  15:21  
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