197: Shut the F*ck up, Please

Speaker 1  0:15  
I'm Andrea aswitz. I'm Allison Langer, and this is writing class radio. You'll hear true personal stories and learn how to write your own stories together, we produce this podcast, which is equal parts heart and art. By heart, we mean the truth in a story. By art, we mean the craft of writing no matter what's going on in our lives. Writing class is where we tell the truth. It's where we work out our shit. There's no place in the world like writing class, and we want to bring you in today

Andrea Askowitz  0:42  
on our show, we bring you a story by Serena naman, Serena's and Allison's second draft class. So that second draft class is a group of writers who come together to share fully formed drafts to get hardcore feedback from the group. Serena has been published on this podcast. If you haven't heard Episode 187 you have to check it out. The essay is called the bigger table, how I lost my husband but gained a bigger family. On that episode, we talked about landings. We're going to talk about landings again today, because this narrator is an amazing lander. We're also going to talk about humor and how to be an expert in a subject and details that bring stories to life. Back with Serena after the break, we're back. I'm Andrea askowitz, and you're listening to writing class radio. Here is Serena naman reading her story. Shut the fuck up, please.

Tara Sands (Voiceover)  1:59  
Last week, my husband, Kevin told me I talked too much after I told our dinner guests about our trip to Maine, he told me I should become better at looking for visual cues. Are my listeners? Eyelids beginning to droop? Have they started to fidget? I was mortified. I took an online talkaholics quiz to see if he was right. How often it asked, Do you keep quiet when it might be better to talk? Never. How often do you talk when it might be better to be silent? Always. By the third question, I already knew how I would score. The worst part about being a confirmed over talker is that I find other talkaholics tiresome. Once a person starts talking too much, I become the over talker police cursing their verbal diarrhea in my head and wishing they would just shut up like me. However, most over talkers are often oblivious about how much they dominate the airspace. These compulsive yakkers may sound like they are conversing with you, but they are just waiting for you to stop talking so they can talk again. They never ask you questions. Sometimes, though, I'm like that too. I'm so excited to tell you something, I often don't even wait for you to stop talking. I'll just interrupt there's one person in my life who will prattle on and on when she calls, then she will end our conversation by telling me was great catching up when I haven't uttered a word. When she calls, I make sure to have a project at my side. At least I can finish paying some bills and folding the laundry. The most annoying are the people who always need an audience, the Pick me, pick me, types who, as kids, beg the teacher to call on them and moan when the teacher picks someone else. Equally problematic are the pedantic folks who view themselves as the expert on things about which you already know more than them, or they will deliver an unrequested lecture on subjects you really don't care about. My least favorite topics, any kind of plot description, especially science fiction, a dream they had, or, God forbid, anything to do with gardening. I am likely to talk too much about my favorite new gadgets, like the dog vacuum I just bought and my electric dust pan. Then there are the people who are just poor at Self Editing. They don't understand that when I ask where you got that nice sweater, a simple I got it from Macy's will suffice. I don't need to know the back story of what else you got at the mall that day, or what you ate at the food court. My husband Kevin, a very impatient listener, calls it the missioner syndrome. If I ask about your trip to Hawaii, you don't have to go on and on like the 937 page novel Hawaii that starts millions upon millions of years ago when the continents were already. Formed. Kevin has little tolerance for stories that go on like that. Can you please land the plane? He says to me to let me know he is fading fast. Some of my over talking stems from discomfort or insecurity. My tendency in an awkward social situation is to fill the void with words a former boss of mine was a great fundraiser, and actually like calling people up and asking for money. I asked him how he did it. I hate making those kind of calls. He told me that the best way to get rich people to donate is to let them do most of the talking. People like it. When you pay attention to them, they like good listeners. Talking too much can also sometimes be hurtful. When I have something negative to say to someone, something I just can't keep on said, maybe because they've hurt me by their behavior. I try to put it in writing so I can evaluate each word choice carefully and not let spiteful words slip out, which I have done in the past. Turns out no one likes to hear quote, and it's not just me who thinks so. UNQUOTE compulsive talking has also cost me money. When the home insurance agent asked me what kind of dog I had, I was happy to blab on about Freddie Sue's recent doggy DNA test, which determined that my tiny, friendly dog was the combination of numerous species, including 1/8 Chow, a breed, which prompted the immediate cancelation of my policy. I have since learned to just say Matt, after Kevin told me I talked too much and then I failed the online talkaholics quiz, I decided I would try to talk less. Keeping my thoughts to myself rather than always saying them out loud, is a good habit for me to develop. It will force me to be a better listener. Plus, Who can argue with Mark Twain's advice, it's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt. As I strive to become less of a chatterbox, I've created an alternative outlet for my verbosity. I write. Writing is good for over talkers like me, having to edit is an ongoing exercise in evaluating the worthiness of one words. Plus, if you're not interested in what I have to say, you can just turn the page. So here's to my fellow talkaholics, may our words be as entertaining as they are plentiful, and may we all find a way to land our planes before our listeners opt for a parachute. Thanks for listening. It was great. Catching up. You

Allison Langer  7:47  
Oh, my God, I love her like crazy. Yeah, yeah, both of us have the biggest smiles. Every line is so funny. Yeah,

Andrea Askowitz  7:56  
that is, it is. It's really funny. She really made herself an expert in this situation. It was so charming, just right from the very beginning, like that, you know, like, we believe her that, well, I believe her. I believe her that she failed that quiz. I don't know. I feel like, in her tone, she's like, oh, like, my husband's telling me to, like, watch for the eyelids. I mean, I don't know that's so specific and so funny and different, excellent. And then she fills that quiz, oh God. And then she's like, really, really tried to understand herself. That's one of the things about essay writing that I love. It's like, Why do I act like that? And this is one of those essays just trying to figure herself

Allison Langer  8:41  
out. I just kept seeing myself, like in her husband, like with my I'm like, can you wrap it up? Like, with my hand getting a circle when you're just, you mean doing that to me? I do that all the time, not just to you, to everyone, like, Oh, is there a point to this? All right, come on. Busy person. Cut to the chase. Did you find yourself in here? Were you like, Oh my God, that's me. Oh my God, that's me. Yeah, I'm

Andrea Askowitz  9:05  
on both parties. Me too. Totally like, I want to go on and on, because everything I say is interesting. And then when someone else is talking, I'm like, what that is dead boring. That happens to me all the time. Edit yourself. Come on. Yeah,

Allison Langer  9:22  
oh my god, yeah, again, and I mentioned this the last time she was on this podcast about her writing is that every last line of the paragraph is a BAM. It lands it. It's funny. It's just the perfect ending. And then you move to the next paragraph, and that is so effective.

Andrea Askowitz  9:43  
I mean, humor really relies on landings, but then so does what's the opposite of, like pathos, like sad stories, like every story relies on landings, but she's really funny, and she's so good at the landings and the details. Yeah.

Allison Langer  9:59  
Mean by the third question, I already knew how I would land, I became the over talker police cursing their verbal diarrhea in my head and wishing they would just shut up. I often don't even wait for you to stop talking. I just interrupt.

Andrea Askowitz  10:14  
Oh yeah, cuz then She's worse than the others. She's like, Yeah, so good.

Allison Langer  10:18  
And I love when when her friend's call and she's got her laundry and bills lined up. I totally do that. And sometimes you're like, are you listening? And I'm like, Uh huh. No, yeah, uh huh.

Andrea Askowitz  10:27  
Listen, I am hyper, hyper aware of when someone's not listening. So I know you're not listening. I don't like it,

Allison Langer  10:33  
yeah? Sometimes I just can't I just I'm in the middle of something, and I don't want to be rude like I'm in the middle of something. Can I call you back in 10 minutes? Okay,

Andrea Askowitz  10:41  
well, let's have an on air fight right now, because I want you to know that it's less rude to be spaced out than to be like Andrea Shek it, which is Heber for Shut up. Shut your cake hole, stop. We'll talk later. That's less rude to me. So

Allison Langer  10:59  
while we're having this conversation, might I just suggest when, when you call somebody, you say, Hey, am I catching you at a good time, or do you have a minute? But you launch into whatever you're saying, and I'm like, I

Andrea Askowitz  11:15  
don't want to interrupt. I assume that if you're answering, then you have a minute. That's is that a false assumption? I know it's not a good time, so I hung up. See, I'm not gonna answer. It's not a good time. Okay,

Allison Langer  11:34  
see, I didn't know this about you. I thought you wanted to be able to connect with me, and I could tell you, hey, hey, I just need five minutes. I'll call you right back. I'm right in the middle of something, but you know what's but you don't say that, no, because

Speaker 2  11:43  
you launch, oh, launch, right? You

Allison Langer  11:47  
don't even say hi, hello. How are you? You just like you're not gonna believe what happened today? Because

Andrea Askowitz  11:51  
I'm trying to cut to the chase, because I know you're a busy woman. Okay, there we have it. My God, years we've I'm so sorry.

Allison Langer  12:01  
Okay, so maybe this is something for our listeners. Maybe they don't realize that they're launching into something. And somebody's you know, needs to have time to get their laundry prepared to fold. Wow. Okay,

Andrea Askowitz  12:12  
okay. With most people, I do say, is this a good time? Do you have a minute? I do, but with you, I'm like,

I just talked to You're right. I don't even say hi, because I feel like you're speedy quick. Okay, let's get back to the story you already mentioned that I'll just interrupt in all the landings. Amazing. Wait. Can we please land the plane? That's, like, my favorite one. Yeah, please land the plane. And then there's a callback, which is, like, our favorite thing in humor, our favorite thing in all storytelling. And then she's, what was the call back? It had something, oh, you hear this, find the way to land our planes before our listeners opt for a parachute. I love it. Yeah? There's actually two callbacks. It was great catching up. Yeah? She was great catching up. Yeah? Because this is clearly a monolog, yeah, exactly.

Allison Langer  13:06  
God. I mean, you know more about humor than I do. I just know that I don't usually laugh so much, and she always has me laughing. She just has such a good in like, she's brilliant,

Andrea Askowitz  13:17  
she is she's good. Oh, wait, one other thing I wanted to talk about, which is, now we know how to raise money. Listening is a great money maker, and I think she's right. I'm gonna try it. Report back. Okay, I'll report back and

Allison Langer  13:33  
don't say hi, hello or anything. Just kind of just call in, just wait till I pick up.

Andrea Askowitz  13:39  
Okay. One other thing was her details, dog vacuum. Don't need to know what you ate in the food court. 937, page novel called Hawaii, like she her details are so specific, and that just is everything about details that we always talk about, they it just brings the story to life. I am in I love 903 words, 903 that's it. This whole story, that's it. We like it short. I also like the title. What's the title? Shut the shut the up.

Allison Langer  14:21  
Yep. Thank you

for listening and thank you, Serena, for sharing your story with us. Serena Neiman has been writing for numerous human rights groups for more than 20 years, working on causes from digital privacy to affordable housing to marriage equality. Her how to article on building an off grid cabin was printed in cabin life.com her opinion pieces on the Gaza war have been syndicated by peacevoice.com. She lives in Western Massachusetts. Writing class radio is hosted by. I meet Allison Langer and me Andrea askowitz. Audio production by Matt Kendall, Evan serminsky and Aiden glassy at the sound off media company. Theme music is by Justina Chandler. There's more writing class on our website, including stories we study editing resources, video classes, writing retreats and live online classes. If you want to write with us every week, come on. Oh yeah, we got first draft. It's awesome. Or if you're a business owner, community activist group that needs healing, entrepreneur and you want to help your team write better, check out all the classes we offer on our website, writing class, radio.com, join the community that comes together for instructions, an excuse to write and the support from other writers to learn more, go to our website or patreon.com/writing, class, radio, a new episode will drop every other Wednesday.

Andrea Askowitz  15:49  
There's no better way to understand ourselves and each other than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What's yours? So done? So just

Tara Sands (Voiceover)  16:03  
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